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I miss so many thing I can never have back.
Nostalgic for things I didn’t have,
but hope I can, someday.

Maybe in heaven,
with all the wisteria and peach trees.

My grandmother can tell me

how to cook like she taught my mom.
Would she be upset about the dairy? The lack of dairy?

I always remember the time she snapped at me,
while I tried to defend her.
She misunderstood me in that moment.

Were her dinner parties like mine?
But with a nicer house and nicer clothes and more grown up twenty-somethings.

I guess I’ll never forget our other fight either,
at the restaurant in Austin. My mom let us have at it.
I went to the bathroom, arguing.

And it is the fight I regret the least. I am right. I am right.

I just didn’t know then, how much it was about me too.

1/23/2020